Be Still, Emilie, Joy, and Natalie — and Let Me Tell You a Story

You three are the young ladies in my life who inspire me daily. As I reflected on how I handled the events of yesterday — the good moments and the ones I wish I’d done better — this story is for you.

I woke up feeling… off. We’ve all had mornings like that. You open your eyes and something just isn’t right. You’re brooding, sulky, unsure why. I didn’t sleep well, and mentally I was not prepared for the day ahead.

When I arrived at work, the roofers were already pounding away overhead. It sounded like they were jumping up and down on the roof. Then I walked into my room and realized the power was out. If you’re one of my clients, you know I have a very intentional setup — the heater for temperature, the sound machine instead of music, my whole routine that allows me to create a healing environment. Yesterday, that world was completely disrupted.

My first mistake was the meltdown. I fired off a text to Natalie and my boss saying, “Today is going to be a fucking nightmare!” Then I sent another dramatic text saying I was going to have a breakdown. Only afterward did I realize… why am I dumping that energy onto Natalie? It was my bad day, and I was being dramatic. This was the first moment where I knew — this isn’t the example I want to set for my girls.

My first client wasn’t a regular. She asked right away if we should reschedule since I couldn’t adjust the table or heat it. This was the moment I tried to regain control. I assured her I could still provide a great massage and keep her warm and comfortable.

And I did. The massage went well, and she rescheduled. My next few sessions were mine too, and I experimented with different draping techniques — finding new ways to help clients feel safe and warm.

But after a while, the cold seeped into my hands and into my bones. I felt uncomfortable and distracted, even while trying to stay present.

Later in the afternoon, I moved to another room while they worked to restore power in mine. I stopped complaining out loud — but inside? The frustrations were loud. I missed the heat. The pounding on the roof and unfamiliar music made everything feel chaotic. My confidence felt shaken. My armor was gone. I felt exposed.

Eventually the power in my room was fixed, but the roofers kept going — loudly — well into the afternoon.

This is where I really began thinking about how I wanted to handle the rest of the day with you girls in mind.

I had a new client. I gave my very best, but with all the noise and unsettled energy, it just didn’t go well. Sometimes, a client and therapist just aren’t a good match. I stayed calm, breathed, and kept trying my best. But they didn’t like my best. They didn’t like the experience at all.

Afterward, Natalie came into my room. She shared that someone else recently hadn’t liked their massage either — calling it the worst they’ve ever had and “disorganized.”

Disorganized?

My next mistake: I let those words take over my mind.
What did I do wrong?
Was I not present?
How did I let this happen?

Natalie quickly said, “I didn’t tell you this to make you feel bad.” And I realized — she is watching how I handle criticism. You all are. This moment mattered.

This is not the part where I tie everything up with a bow and tell you I handled it with grace. I didn’t. Criticism — even when it’s part of our growth — is something I still struggle deeply with.

And that’s exactly why I want this to be our first podcast topic.